


How can I love something out of reach?

by TheRainwoman



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Death, F/M, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-20 22:41:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20683115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainwoman/pseuds/TheRainwoman
Summary: this is kinda rushed, but the lack of merlin/lancelot is sad





	How can I love something out of reach?

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda rushed, but the lack of merlin/lancelot is sad

**'tís α fєαrful thíng tσ lσvє whαt dєαth cαn tσuch.**

Lancelot wasn't sure when his feelings turned from Gwen to Merlin. Sometimes he questioned if he had always had an attraction to the warlock. It wouldn't surprise him as Merlin was the kindest and courageous person he had ever met. It was quality that him and Gwen shared and it was clear that is what the knight found most attractive and what drew him to them. So when Merlin asked him to accompany him on a trip alone Lancelot found it very difficult to refuse him. It had only been four months since Morgana's betrayal and Lancelot's vow to withdraw from his pursuit of Guinevere. He knew that she could never love him as she loves Arthur, but if it made her happy he was more than happy to comply. 

**α fєαrful thíng tσ lσvє, tσ hσpє, tσ drєαm, tσ вє –**

At first, the trip was mostly normal. Merlin needed to go into Cedric's kingdom to get some enchanted stone to heal Arthur, from yet _another_ sorcerer's curse. It had been the third one this month and Lance could tell it was causing the servant to loose even more sleep. 

"I think we should make camp here and continue on tomorrow." Lancelot exclaimed, watching as Merlin fought with himself to keep awake. 

"But Lanc-"

"No Merlin, The King isn't dying and will be alive tomorrow. You, on the other hand, most likely won't if you do not rest." He argued to the stubborn headed male.

**tσ вє,**   
**αnd σh, tσ lσѕє.**

Merlin grumbled but found himself getting off his horse. "Fine, but I'm not getting the firewood this time."

"I'll get it if it means you rest." Lance remarked with a gentle smile.

"Well then I'll be resting, now hurry and get the wood it's going to be dark soon." Merlin retorted cheekily.

Lancelot found himself heading to the woods, overjoyed because he had gotten the stubborn boy to listen. Grabbing as many pieces of dry wood he could find before making his way back to the campsite. When returning he noticed Merlin had rolled out the blankets and such, making the knight a makeshift bed, while he himself had found a place under a tree.

"Where's your bed, Merlin?" The Knight questioned.

"Don't need one."

"Why not?"

Merlin smiled, "I'm a servant."

"A very good servant and a friend to the king. You deserve the same treatment I get." Lancelot retorted, throwing down some of the wood and kneeling to start a fire.

"Some don't see it that way." The warlock exclaimed, before whispering an enchantment.

Fire began making it's way to the wood while Lancelot fell back, he sent a threatening look to Merlin. "I'm not some. For the night, we can share mine and when we get back to Camelot I'm talking with Arthur about your arrangements for when we leave."

"It's really alright Lance. You don't have to do that." Merlin said, moving himself closer to the burning logs.

"I want to. Now that I'm a knight it's my duty to see that everyone gets the treatment they deserve, and you, my friend, deserve the best treatment that anyone can offer."

Merlin smirked, "is that so?"

Lancelot nodded.

"Thank you Lance." The boy yawned before rummaging through his bag and pulling out a loaf of bread. "I'm too tired to cook, this should hold you over till morning." He handed the bread to the knight before retreating back to his spot under the tree to sleep.

**α thíng fσr fσσlѕ, thíѕ,**

Lancelot once more, stared at him. "Merlin...I've offered to share my blankets and such with you."

"You don't need to Lance. I'm more than content with my tree and my coat." The boy argued.

Sighing, The knight stood up and grabbed his blankets before making his way to Merlin.

"Now what on earth are you doin-"

"Sleeping beside you, you stubborn child." Lancelot cut him off, "I'm not going to allow you to freeze to death because you want to be resolutely fatheaded today."

Merlin grinned, "it's not my fault. Spending too much time with Arthur does that to a person."

Lancelot chuckled before sitting beside him and layering the couple of blankets he had over them. "You know we could probably use my cloak as a pillow."

"You really don't have to do this." Merlin mumbled, obviously tired.

"You're right, but I want to. What would I do with myself if I allowed my friend to sleep in such conditions?"

Once he removed the red overgarment, he folded it so it was comfortable and much like a girthy pillow. When he was done he placed it on the ground and watched as the raven haired boy beside him practically fell back. He chuckled once more before turning his attention to the dying fire and the bread that kinda stuck out of Merlin's bag from when he had stuffed it back in there.

**αnd α hσlч thíng,**

It didn't take long before it was pitch black and the only thing keeping Lancelot company was the rhythm of Merlin's breathing. Glancing over, he could see just a little bit of the pale boy from the gleaming moon. His heart pace increased and he sighed out. He honestly dreaded going out on royal matters since he discovered his affections for the boy beside him. It was such a tragedy for him, to fall in love with things that were Arthur's. Gwen was gentle and kind, it was easy to see how Arthur had fallen for her, but Merlin was that and more. He had this loving energy and this sparkle in his eyes. It was hard to accept that he was also untouchable, given he was a male and he was Arthur's personal servant.

Lancelot felt conflicted, since coming to Camelot he found himself falling in love to easily. It was like a disease that plagued the kingdom. Thinking back to all that had happen, the knight made a vow to never speak of his love of the raven haired boy, loving him only from afar.

Even after that trip, Lancelot kept his promise and spoke with Arthur on his Merlin's sleeping arrangements. Since then, it seemed he always had the warlocks back, speaking up for him in any and all occasions. So it wasn't a surprise to those around when he offered to take Merlin back to Camelot after he was attacked by the Dorocha. On their way there, he couldn't help but feel pained, wondering what would happen if the frozen boy was to die. Thoughts clouded his mind and he took a break at a nearby stream. He gently placed Merlin down before removing his gloves to gather water. That's when he noticed Merlin had moved his hand to the water and some shimmering light flooded through his skin.

"Lancelot. Lancelot." A voice called out.

Glancing around, he noticed drops of water rise up from the stream.

"Lancelot." A woman's face appeared, "We bear you no harm. We wish only to help."

"What are you?"

"We are Vilia, spirits of the brooks and streams. The tear in the veil has upset the balance of the world. Good spirits as well as bad roam freely. But this perilous state cannot continue for long."

"Prince Arthur is riding to the Isle of the Blessed. He intends to heal the veil."

"He will need help." The spirit spoke before gesturing to the unconscious boy, "From both of you."

Lancelot shook his head, "My friend is sick. I need to get him to Camelot."

The spirit smiled. "Merlin is stronger than you give him credit for. The young warlock has great power and a future that has been written since the dawn of time. Do not worry. Even now, my sisters begin to heal him."

Looking over at Merlin, He sees that the boy is glowing.

"You are tired. You must rest."

"I need to find shelter." He argued.

"You are safe here."

"The Dorocha."

"We will stay with you and protect you through the night."

Lancelot smiled, amazed as the water drops around him become tiny lights.

**α hσlч thíng tσ lσvє.**

Once he awoke in the morning, he was even more in shock to find a healthier looking Merlin. He wanted to speak out and say how fantastic the other way, but chose to stick with the usual banter that they shared. Without anything else the two began their journey back with haste.

Ever so often, He couldn't help but look over to his scrawny friend that was until they had made their way to the wooden shack. While there, he couldn't feel as if something bad was going to happen. He was right, The fire went out and the two had ran into a clearing as the Dorocha chased them. That was until the great dragon appeared. Eyes widen, Lancelot was flabbergasted. Remembering him from the destruction of the Camelot, He raised his sword while preparing to protect his companion.

Merlin quickly put his arm out, stopping the knight. "It's all right... It's alright."

Lancelot relaxed for a moment as he watched Merlin take a couple steps and lower his head to the beast, "Thank you."

"Who is your friend?" The dragon asked.

Merlin turned to Lancelot, who had already sheathed his sword. "I'm Lancelot."

"Of course~ Sir Lancelot, The bravest and most noble of them all."

"I'm not sure that's true." He interjected.

"We shall see. For now, there are more pressing things at hand. The Dorocha cannot be allowed to remain in this world. The sundered veil must be restored." The creature explained.

"We're on our way to the Isle of the Blessed to help Arthur heal it." The knight proclaimed.

"Indeed. But at what price?" 

Merlin opened his mouth for a moment, unsure of what to say. "I know that the spirit world demands a sacrifice." He choked out the words.

"It demands nothing. It is the Cailleach, the gatekeeper to the spirit world who asks such a price."

"And there is no other way?" The warlock asked.

Shaking his head, the dragon lugubriously responded, "There is not."

"Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the veil. It is my destiny to protect him; you taught me that." 

As the two spoke, Lancelot began to rethink, trying so hard not to admire the courageousness his friend was displaying, before looking up into the eyes of the dragon.

"Merlin, you must not do this."

"Then I have no choice. I must take his place."

That's when Lancelot felt his heart drop. 

"From the moment I met you, I saw something that was invisible. Now it is there for all to see."

Merlin grinned, "A lot of what you see, old friend, is what you taught me."

"It will be an empty world without you, young warlock."

The knight cringed at the thought. The dragon's words were more than true. Merlin was the light of the earth, He honestly couldn't imagine life without him. It was long after the dragon had flown off and the sun had come up did Lancelot finally had the courage to ask him about it.

**fσr чσur lífє hαѕ lívєd ín mє, ****чσur lαugh σncє líftєd mє,** **чσur wσrd wαѕ gíft tσ mє.**

"When we get to the Isle of the Blessed, do you really intend to sacrifice yourself?" He asked.

Merlin avoided Lancelot's eyes as he focused on the path, "What do you want me to say?"

"I look at you and I wonder about myself." The knight said, staring at the warlock, hoping to find some answers. "Would I knowingly give up my life for something?"

"You have to have a reason. Something you care about. Something that's more important than anything." The other explained before rushing off before Lancelot could ask anymore questions, but it allowed him to think. 'Something more important than anything.' It was this that kept replaying in his head.

What was more important than Merlin?

**tσ rєmєmвєr thíѕ вríngѕ pαínful jσч.**

Lancelot had made his decision. He had made it the night as the others slept. He knew he was going to give his life, so as he walked in beside his fellow friends, he felt rather forlorn. Knowing that despite doing this, he'd never see the sun set one more time, or hear the bickering from the knights, or feel the love he felt for Merlin ever again...but he could die that way. He could die loving Merlin without fear or prosecution.

With Gwaine and Arthur both knocked, He watched as Merlin walked towards the Cailleach, not even the slight bit scared. 

"Will you give yourself to the spirits to save your prince?" The Cailleach asked.

Lancelot made his way to the veil, love filled his heart as well as terror. 

"It is my destiny."

'If so allow me to change it just this once, let this be mine.' The knight thought as he glared inside the veil. There was so much sorrow, so much pain. He couldn't let this place take his beloved warlock. 

"Perhaps. But your time among men is not yet over, Emrys, even if you want it to be." 

Turning around to see the face of Merlin one last time, Lancelot smiled before facing the veil and walking through. Leaving Merlin there screaming with the unconscious bodies of Gwaine and Arthur. 

**tíѕ α humαn thíng, ** **lσvє, α hσlч thíng, tσ lσvє whαt dєαth hαѕ tσuchєd.**   
  



End file.
